FACTS OF LIFE

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• The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.


• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


• Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.


• Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.


• Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.


• A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.


• It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.


• Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.


• If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.


• The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.


• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.


• Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.


• Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.


• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.


• Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.


• Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

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